The New Spark
by everlarklullaby
Summary: 15 years after the Rebellion. This story follows Katniss after seven months of pregnancy. This is my first fan-fiction so reviews would be great! Thanks! Rated T for brief language and grim descriptions. I obviously do not own The Hunger Games, but I wish my imagination was big enough to! I do, however, own this story.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

It has been 15 years since it all happened. I finally agreed to have children. Everyday Peeta gave me reasons to have children, that they would distract us from our past. Now I am seven months pregnant. Haymitch and Greasy Sae come by daily to check up on us. Haymitch says he could never do it, go without alcohol for nine months. That's why Peeta shoos him away most of the time; he doesn't want me near those fumes. So now, when Haymitch comes by, he is much more sober than usual. People congratulate us, a look of sympathy on their faces. They think that we had children to cheer us up, to forget, but it only makes it worse for me. My greatest fear? That she will look like Prim. If she does, I will not be able to look at her. What I hope is that she looks like Peeta.

As soon as she heard, Johanna bought an apartment in 12 and visits frequently. She and her husband are happy together, I remember when she said there was no one left that she loved here on Earth. Annie and her son also visit frequently, the boy is the spitting image of Finnick, and brings back memories of sugar cubes, tridents, clock arenas, and the ability to be cocky and yet at the same time terribly complex. He says that his mother tells him that he is exactly like Finnick. I think it bothers him though, to be exactly like someone you never met.

"Wake up, Katniss," Peeta nudges me gently. "You can't sleep forever." If there is anything that Peeta doesn't like, it's sleeping past 11 am. He says that after 11, what else can you sleep? He is already dressed. But I really don't want to get up; lately everything has been a task with this ever-growing stomach of mine. He helps me get up. He has already made us breakfast and the dandelions from our garden are in a vase. I sit and gobble up the waffles he made. We spend the day in bed, Peeta drawing and me reading.

Somewhere around three we get up to have lunch. That's when I feel her kicking. "Peeta," I whisper, as if any loud sound would make her stop, "Come feel, she's kicking." I look up with a smile. Only to see that the storm clouds are rolling in again. He is not part of this situation anymore; he is gone to some twisted memory that never even happened. That clouded and tortured look in his eyes is taking over him. He grabs on to a nearby chair and looks as if he is trying very hard to hold all of his emotions in. He is frozen on the spot and sweating. I carefully approach him and say in a gentle but firm voice, "Peeta, that's not real, I'm real and I love you." But he is unmoving. "Peeta? Peeta, listen to me!" Dr. Aurelius warned me not to say anything to him during his flashbacks, to be as unmoving as he is, but I can't control myself, so I grab him by the shoulders and kiss him. It must be a strong flashback though, because his body shakes uncontrollably at my kiss and I fail to bring him back to reality. This has only happened one other time. Underground. In the Capitol. I push those bad memories away quickly as if they could transfer into Peeta's mind. He looks at me with a mixture of disgust, bewilderment, and fright. But nothing happens, when the venom wants to stop torturing him, it will, not when I want it to.

Finally, it stops, and his radiant blue eyes return. And the tears start to spill. I pull him over to the couch and I stroke his hair while he cries, as if with every tear he could flush out more and more of the venom. I know the real reason why he's crying though; it's the same every time. These are tears of frustration and regret. Frustration because these flashbacks will never really leave. Regret because we separated during the Quarter Quell and it changed our lives forever. "It wasn't your fault," I whisper. He is so desperate. "I would do anything, anything to make them go away, Katniss." Says Peeta. "I know," I reply, "but that's not realistic, is it?" He answers with a lingering kiss. "Thank you, Katniss." We sit there quietly for what seems like a lifetime. And he falls asleep in my embrace. We are both exhausted. I wake him up and drag him up to bed. "Katniss, you shouldn't have to do this, you're the one who needs to be taken care of." He carries me up the stairs despite my weight and gently deposits me in bed. I realize we never had lunch and that I need to have my full three meals. We fall asleep holding hands.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

When I wake up, the sun is shining through the open windows. District 12 is waking up. I hear Effie's voice in my mind saying "Up, up, up! It's going to be a big, big, day!" Because it is. Today we are going to District Four to visit Annie on her birthday. "Peeta," I say. "Up, up, up! It's going to be a big, big, day!" He cracks a smile before he can open his eyes. "I don't want to get up." moans Peeta, his voice still half in dreams, but I think I know what he really wants. I lean down and wake him up with a soft kiss. "Alright you two lovebirds, the hovercraft isn't going to wait for you two to come up for air." Says the taunting voice of Haymitch. We both jump apart. "I hope you don't mind," he says with a smile, "I let myself in, didn't know I'd be interrupting something." "It's fine, Haymitch," says Peeta, "Next time, just let us know when you're downstairs." He helps me get out of bed. Haymitch's eyes grow wide, he hasn't seen me for some weeks now and my stomach must be a surprise to him. "Are you sure they aren't twins?" he asks.

The hovercraft ride to District Four is smooth. When the doors open, I am reminded of my 1st visit here on the Victory Tour. We are hit by a salty wind that overwhelms me. "You ok?" asks Peeta. We are not used to this salty and windy environment. I nod firmly. Annie is waiting for us, her birthday isn't until tomorrow, but we wanted to get here early so we could spend the whole day with her. We will be staying for a week, because exactly 5 days after her birthday is the anniversary of Finnick's death. This year it will be 15 years.

When we arrive at the receiving gate, Annie is there with her son eagerly waiting for us. We each take turns saying hello, because it has been quite some time since our last meeting, I think I was 5 months pregnant. We arrive at Annie's house and I see that Annie prepared breaded shrimp. It was the only food that tasted normal when we first visited Annie; it's the only thing I like to eat here. "Annie," I say, "You remembered this was my favorite." Annie smiles, "Well actually, I have to give Caspian credit, he was the one who remembered." "Thank you, Cas." I say. "Oh, it was nothing," he says quietly, "I just remembered because I never saw you eat anything else here." He is the perfect mix of the two of them, with Finnick's sea green eyes and Annie's quiet personality. He says just enough to be polite. I don't think that Annie would have done very well with a son who looked and acted like Finnick, they are both calm, I don't think they have ever disagreed with each other. But he defends his mother fiercely, just like Finnick did. On one of our visits here, Caspian had some friends over while I was out on the pier, when one of the boys said that their teacher was "crazier than Cas's mom." Caspian then delivered a punch that sounded like it hurt and threw him out of the house with no words. I never saw that boy in the house again. Caspian is the only thing that keeps Annie safe and sound and he knows it.

Haymitch has never been on a vacation trip here, only on the Victory Tour. He eats more than he can hold, and he says the wine is the best he's ever tasted. "And I've had plenty of wine in my life." Making everybody laugh. After lunch, Annie and Caspian take Haymitch sightseeing around the center of town. The house is empty except for Peeta and I. We go out to the pier to look at the view, in District 12, the only nice view is the knoll that looks across the meadow, but I don't go there because the last time I was there was the day Prim was reaped. I stand in Peeta's arms and fit my head right under his and we stare out into the ocean. This ocean looks never ending; it goes on for miles and miles. It's times like these I play my game, I list the wonderful things that have happened to me today, seeing that Annie and Caspian are ok, being able to share a good time with them, and Peeta, he is always on the list, even when he does have flashbacks, I feel a rush of gratitude for him. I show it to him by kissing him, he responds gratefully, his hands find my waist and I hold the nape of his neck. It's the perfect kiss, on a pier, during the best moment of the sunset, when all the colors are giving a soft, warm glow. It might as well be a storybook ending after all we've been through.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

"Happy Birthday, Annie!" We all walk in, we didn't want to storm into her bedroom and scare her, and she's up too early for us anyways. We each wish her a happy birthday and sit down for breakfast. "Katniss!" exclaims Annie, "I hadn't gotten a good look at your stomach until now! How many months?" "Seven," I reply. Surprisingly, Caspian speaks up, "Katniss, if you don't mind, could I feel your stomach?" I look at Peeta; Caspian is never one to ask for much, Peeta nods, "Of course, Cas, go ahead." He presses his ear to my stomach, "Wow, Katniss, she's moving!" I smile. She is scared, I can feel it, it's a connection we have, her and I, I know she is scared because this ear does not belong to someone she is used to. It's ok, I think, he's a good friend. Anything that I feel, she feels. The baby stops kicking.

By late afternoon, Peeta and I find ourselves on the pier again. This is another one of those storybook moments that I am thankful for and all else is gone. Nothing else matters except Peeta and I. I look down to see our reflection in the ocean, so different we are from the children we were 15 years ago, so much has changed that I cannot even hold count. My sister reaped, forced to grow up too quickly, and then killed in a bomb Gale designed. Gale. I have lost complete contact with him; he never visits District 12, probably too many bad memories. Sometimes I can't help but think, it's as if that bomb was especially designed to kill my sister. But how could he have known? She wasn't even old enough; she was let in under special circumstances. It wasn't his fault. It was just meant to be somehow. I love you Prim, I think as if I was speaking to her, I miss you so much. Life was never the same without you, you were a child of war, forced to grow up too fast. I look into the water and my mind shows me her reflection, scared on her first and last reaping. Her two blonde braids perfectly symmetrical, then I see that her shirt is tucked out. Tuck in your tail, little duck. The memories are too much for me, I cannot stop the tears from flowing. Peeta gives me a reassuring kiss on the forehead, "It's ok Katniss, she's happier up there." How did he know I was crying because of her? "How did you know, Peeta?" Peeta responds, "Look over there, Katniss, how else could that have gotten there?" On the shore lies a primrose, yellow and kind.

Five days later, when Caspian is off to school, we all go to visit Finnick's grave, even though there was no body to bury, he was given the largest space right after District officials. So many people left things on his grave, poems and songs, stories about how the one time they had ever met Finnick was the best thing that could have happened to them. Annie cries silently, and we all stand next to her. "I remember what he said to me before he left, 'Annie, I might not come back this time, this isn't another Games, sponsors can't save me now'." She tells us between sobs. I think what it would be like to lose Peeta, well actually, I did for some time, and I gave up all hope and chose Gale. I thought that the torture had killed him inside, and a cold and distant Peeta had replaced him. But there was light at the end of the tunnel. Peeta slowly grew back to me. For Annie, her light is Caspian and our friendship.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

We are back in District 12, a month and a half later. I'm due any day now; I try not to get out of the house too much. Everyone is excited that soon we will have our very own child. I'm secretly terrified, I think Peeta is too. A child will remind me of Prim. Someone I need to watch out for, protect against everything ugly in the world. But some things we will not be able to protect her against. Maybe not the reaping anymore, but the world has a way of giving me unpleasant surprises that I never expect.

Peeta decides to spend as little time possible in the bakery, he stays home with me. I get up only to go to the bathroom, my stomach adds 40 pounds to my weight. Peeta has a full portrait of me every month to compare my stomach to each of them. The first five months are almost identical, and the real difference comes with six, seven, eight, and nine. I barely eat any more; Peeta has to coax me to eat my meals. Then one night, my nightmares came back. They stopped when I got pregnant, but they came back a couple of nights ago. The most recent one was back in my first arena. The mutts duplicated by the dozens, but they were not all the tributes, they were everyone that I loved that had died. Prim, Rue, Boggs, my father, and Finnick is the easiest one to recognize, his deep green eyes boring into me. And they all wanted my blood shed. Peeta felt me thrashing wildly and went back to holding me around the waist like he used to on the train. It's not good for the baby, I know it, and she wants to know what's wrong.

Then one morning, it happened. My water broke. I don't really remember much of it actually. Peeta was home, thank God. He was my rock; I couldn't have done it without him. I had experienced too much pain in my life to do it alone. I don't know how Hazelle did it without a husband, maybe it was because she had already had done it three times and she knew what to do. I certainly didn't. As soon as we arrived at the hospital, they put me to sleep. After the rebellion, I've never been very good for pain. The next thing I remembered, I was looking out the window and saw everyone that loves me: Johanna, her husband, Annie, Caspian, and Peeta all sitting together in the waiting room. Peeta looks anxious. "Finally awake are you?" I'm startled; Haymitch is sitting lazily in a chair with a flask. How did he even get that in here? That's who was missing from outside. "Haymitch, I just woke up from having a little girl, could you be a little more considerate?" He smiles genuinely, "You did great sweetheart, and she's perfect. Oh, and while you were asleep, I went ahead and ate your lunch." He smiles again, "Here you go." He sets a tray of breaded shrimp on my table. "How did you get this?" I ask. It must have been expensive. "Annie brought it," he replied, "Well actually; she said it was Caspian's idea." "Well, when am I going to see my daughter?" I ask. Just then Peeta bursts in. He doesn't even say anything, just runs and automatically kisses me. It's a different kind of kiss though, a reassurance, as if he's making sure that I am alive and well and not just a figment of his imagination. I understand how he feels, I feel that too. You just can't believe it, and you don't want to because you're scared that it will get taken away from you.

After we break apart, almost on cue, the nurse comes in with a bundle in her arms. "Would you like to hold you daughter?" Peeta speaks for me, "Yes! Yes! Please." As I see her coming toward me, I realize that now is someone that will also be on my list every day. A daughter, our daughter. After Peeta was taken by the Capitol, I never in a million years would have believed anyone if they told me I would have a child with him. But here she is alive and healthy, with - blue eyes. I gasp; she is beautiful, as delicate as a flower. Peeta gets that look in his eyes, the one he gets when he is baking or painting. Only that exists, everything else can wait. He is probably in disbelief, "How could this be happening to me? I never thought anything good would happen to me again. But here I am, with the woman I've loved since childhood, and my very own daughter." He says. Suddenly I understand, a child for him means security, she secures our happiness, and she will make it as if nothing bad could ever happen to us again. I pass her on to Peeta, and he holds her with such delicacy and precision like – no, don't think of him right now. I notice that the tremor in Peeta's hands is gone. After the Capitol, his hands were always shaking; I first saw it on an early interview of when he was tortured. But it's gone right now, just like our troubled past. I see the determination in his eyes to keep her safe. And I'm right there with him. We might not be perfect, but we certainly grown to know how to protect the things we love.


	5. Chapter 5

Sorry about not adding chapters for a long time, with finals and everything I couldn't find time. Hope you enjoy this one!

Chapter 5

The first few days at home are surprisingly calm. Although, as I feared, it brings back memories of someone depending on me for physical survival. Peeta and I depend on each other for emotional stability, but this is different, when someone depends on you for food and things like that. I had feared that my anxiety during the pregnancy would affect her personality and make her wild, only to be wrong, she barely cries at night. She is calm and never makes a fuss. I'm surprised by how many things babies need, new clothing every few weeks, baby bottles, pacifiers, I doubt my infancy was this complicated. We have to start taking things out to make space for it all. And that's when I find the book.

The book had been erased from my mind, which is ironic because that's what it was supposed to prevent. I decide not to open it yet, I'll open it with Peeta tonight. I go upstairs and hide the book in my dresser. Peeta calls me, "Katniss, come downstairs please!" I descend the stairs with mixed feelings about my find in the closet. Happy because tonight when I open the book I will remember happy bits of time with those I loved and yet remember a time when my world was shaken horribly, every one of my actions resulting in someone getting hurt.

It turns out Peeta wanted me to come downstairs to have a picnic. He even put it all in a wicker basket. The three of us sit on a bed sheet and eat while we watch the sun make its arc path across the clear blue sky. "I'll be right back," says Peeta, suddenly interrupting our cloud gazing session. He comes back with handfuls of flowers and begins to weave them into wreaths for the both of us. The one for her is tiny and is no bigger than my hand. He places them on our heads; they are made yellow primroses, just like the one that appeared on the shore in District 4. Another storybook moment in which I cannot describe my happiness.

"Peeta, come here, I want to show you something." He jumps into bed enthusiastically, "Of course, what is it?" He has been so excited since we brought her home, we both have. I pull out the book from my dresser. "I found this in the closet, and I wanted to open it with you." I can see he also has mixed feelings. "I didn't know what could be in here, so I wanted to be with you." He smiles. "Then let's take a look back, shall we?" The first page, a picture of Rue positioned on the tips of her toes. By the third page we are both crying silently. Then when we get to the picture of Finnick and Annie on their wedding day I am inconsolable. "Katniss, let's stop, it's too much to bear in one sitting." Says Peeta. I think it's too much for him to see after we just spent an afternoon with our newborn daughter. So much grief and strife right after so much joy. The memories come like the tears, harshly and quickly. I continue flipping the pages. But something has been bothering me, a scent, I don't like it, it gives me a bad feeling in the stomach, it's horribly familiar. Then I get to the last page and an envelope falls out. I open it and the infamous scent floods my nose. Peeta smells it too and his eyes cloud up. I look inside the envelope, and waiting for me is an intact white rose.


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you for all your reviews, I've gotten about 10 so far, but that is much more than I expected for my first story! However, if you guys could spread the word and ask more people to send reviews I would really, really, appreciate it! Thank you so much for reading my stories, it means so much….. Happy reading, everlarklullaby

**Chapter 6**

The scent is like a ton of bricks falling down on me. My blood turns to lead and I can't breathe. It's back, and it's here to stay. The world freezes. No, it's spinning around wildly and I fall off the bed. I sit there gasping for air for a few moments when I hear a loud crash. Peeta. I vaguely remember his eyes fogging up before I fell off. I grab the lamp stand to pull me up. Peeta's fogginess and isolation have been replaced by white hot rage. His anger is against the Capitol, and like Gale's, it's something I don't want to mess with. I go over and grab the baby out of her crib. She knows something's wrong, just like when she was in my stomach. "Peeta!" I exclaim, not knowing what's going to happen next. He looks at me, his eyes are crystal clear but fierce, he is not under the spell of the venom, this rage is purely his own. "Don't tell me to calm down, Katniss!" he yells. "Don't you get it? Or have you just forgotten?" I'm silent. "This book all makes sense! Whoever put that rose in there was pretty clever at toying with people's emotions! We reminisce at all the happy memories in there and at the end we get a gruesome reminder of why these people aren't still with us!" He slams another object on the floor, it lands with a flat thud. The book. I go to pick it up. "Don't you dare touch that book Katniss, I won't let you." I slowly stand up.

He grabs me, his tremor is back and shakier than ever, and I see his eyes are glassy with tears. His voice breaks when he speaks. "It's their fault, Katniss. It's their fault Finnick can't see the wonderful boy Caspian turned out to be. Their fault Prim was never an aunt; don't you think she would have loved taking care of her niece? Their fault Rue never sang her mockingjay call again. Their fault-" "I get it!" I say abruptly. Now the tears come back. "You think I forgot, Peeta? I was terrified that she was going to look like Prim. Every time I see Caspian, I can't help but think how proud Finnick would be, and how I can tell Annie can't wait to join Finnick, how she can't wait for them to finally be a family together." He strokes my hair. "That's why I can't and I won't lose you, Katniss. When I realized everyone was dead, I kept thinking, if she's alive, then so am I. When I told you before the Quarter Quell that I wanted to spend every minute of my life with you, I was serious, and I still am. Don't you see? You're still the only reason I want to be alive."

I'm quiet, I've never been good with words, but I know I don't have to reply for him to know that I feel the same way, and more. We brush up the shards of glass that I realize came from a vase they gave us on our wedding; it was from Plutarch, too gaudy for my taste. Of course it was, it was from the Capitol, I wonder if that's why Peeta threw it or if he just grabbed whatever was in sight. After we finish with the glass, the book still lies on the floor. Peeta continues to grab it and I can tell by his change of face exactly when the smell hits his nose again, but he doesn't let that stop him. He grabs a shovel and goes outside, I don't say a word to him because he doesn't want to be interrupted right now. This book was supposed to bring happy memories back, not moments of terror. If only it wasn't for that envelope. "Wait!" I say without thinking. He turns to look at me. I take the book from his hands before he can protest and I take out the envelope, holding my breath. I open it again and throw the rose out. "Katniss! What the hell are you doing? Don't touch that!" I disobey and, just as I suspected, there's a note accompanying the rose.

My Dearest Katniss,

The war is over! The Districts have won! Coin is going to be president. So now you think you've won, don't you? Maybe the Districts have, but your sweet Peeta hasn't. Should I even call him that? Who knows what he is, he is no longer Peeta, he is a jumble of messed-with memories. I've written this note to tell you that while the Districts celebrate victory and being freed from bondage to the Capitol, you've been stripped of everything you hold dear. It seems like you had too much hope, which was dangerous. The spark of hope was not contained, and I hope you learned this time, Katniss, because who knows what New Spark you'll ignite if you didn't? You really thought you could beat me at my own game? I may be dead, but I will always be the winner.

Love,

President Coriolanus Snow


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: Here is Chapter 7, thank you so much for reading my stories. It means a lot to me. I have realized that I should update more often because it is not fair to you guys. I apologize for my lack of order and I will try to update every week. Meanwhile, enjoy this chapter!**

**Chapter 7**

I hold the note with shaking hands. My tremor is possibly stronger than Peeta's. _"I will always win."_ Did he really win? Or did his point of view tell him that he won? But the question that I should really be pondering about is: how did it get there? Obviously Snow didn't put it in there. I flip the note over, and I see the Panem seal marked in red. I slip the note back in the envelope cautiously, as if any wrong movement could bring back the face with puffy lips reeking of blood.

"Katniss? Are you alright? What does it say?" I think I'm about to collapse because Peeta comes up behind me and holds me steadily. "He won, Peeta." I say weakly. "What?" He sits me down on the grass against the fence and takes the note from me. He reads it and his expression hardens. He crouches down and cups his hands around my face, now stained by tears. "He didn't win. He never did and never will. He was a fool." He stands up and rips the note over the hole. When I grab the rose to throw it in, I prick my finger and the spot of blood starts swelling. I lay the finger on my shirt to stop the flow of blood. Peeta sees my finger and comes over again. "Katniss! Are you okay?" He says worriedly and lays my finger on the palm of his hand. "Thank you Peeta, and yes, I'm fine, just a prick." His eyes fill with worry. "I'll do it." But it seems the odds are not in our favor, because he pricks his finger just as he is about to drop it in. "It seems as if we haven't seen these in a long time." He says. "Except in nightmares." I add.

"Let's just go back inside, Katniss." He helps me up and we walk back together. Then I remember the book is still outside on the grass. "Peeta, the book, why didn't you bury it?" He answers quietly and I remember the baby is asleep. "Too many memories, I can't afford to lose them." I grasp his hand in mine so firmly that I stop his tremor, which is out of control.

Peeta being injected with Tracker Jacker venom. Johanna being electrified and then thrown into water. The fire that consumes Prim until all that's left is a scorched primrose. Gale's back a raw slab of meat, with my mother unable to help him. The spear entering Rue's stomach. Cato being eaten alive. Fangs entering the Morphing's chest. The spikes driven through Mitchell's body. Boggs' limbs being blown off in an explosion. Pain. Pain is everywhere. Horribly shown on their faces. And no one can help them. I try to sing to Rue, or tell Prim I love her, but I cannot speak. I am merely watching, unable to shut my eyes. I approach them and the reek of blood and engineered roses floods my sense of smell. Suddenly he appears and his forked tongue slithers out. He walks past each one of them and laughs. I yell "Stop! Please! I beg you!" but I can't, I don't even have a body, I am just a bystander.

Suddenly, my eyes snap open. I am cold and sweating. I must have been writhing because the sheets are on the floor. I grab Peeta's hand again, but it doesn't offer the usual warmth and comforting, it's rock hard, sweaty and cold. "I don't scream during my nightmares, I lay just lay there paralyzed with fear." He said to me once. I attempt to shake him awake. "Stop! Please! I beg you! Take me instead!" He yells and begins contorting and his eyes snap open. He lays there breathing heavily for what seems like forever until I turn on the lamp and he realizes that I'm there. His eyes widen as he realizes it was a nightmare and he embraces me protectively. "Shh, it's okay Peeta, it was just a dream. It's over now. " I stroke his hair and comfort him while he cries. "They were torturing you, and they were making me watch. I begged them to let you go and torture me instead, but they laughed and told me that wouldn't be as much fun." "Who were 'they', Peeta?" He barely whispers his response. "Finnick, Gale, Tigris, Cinna, all of them."

I try to answer, but my vision clouds up as the ridges in the wall begin to ooze black liquid. The floor becomes infested with red insects. The baby's crib melts away and she is helpless against the sea of these strange insects. I vaguely hear Peeta say something about purple grooslings as I see Finnick walk in, carrying a tray piled high with sugar cubes. "Want a sugar cube?" he says in a distorted voice. I collapse to the floor just as I succumb to the mass of shiny orange bubbles consuming me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's note: ****Here's Chapter 8, I'm trying to be obedient to my one week break between updates. It is very hard! It's really hard because when I write these, I am inspired from one moment to the next and I write the entire chapter in one sitting! So, you could say that the inspiration for these chapters comes to me on its own time. I think I am going to add two more chapters to this story before I complete it. But, I also said I was going to end it after only five chapters! I know what you're probably thinking, "They must be new here." And I am! But this is my first story and it has exceeded my expectations tremendously. For my next fan-fiction, I was thinking of doing something different, something on maybe….Effie's childhood? Feedback would be great! Thanks again for reading and enjoy! **

**Chapter 8**

When I open my eyes, I have no idea where I am or how I got here. I try to remember it all, one step at a time. Here we go again. My name is Katniss Everdeen, I am 32 years old. I am married to Peeta Mellark. I survived two Hunger Games. I have a daughter. Her name is-. Then I realize we haven't even named our own daughter yet, we were working on names until the book came up. That's when Haymitch pops in. "Katniss, you're up, how are you feeling?" His usual playfulness is gone, so I know this, whatever it is, is no light matter. "Haymitch, am I at the hospital?" He looks at me sympathetically. I used to hate it when people did that to me, but then I realized it was stupid trying to do everything alone. I see my left arm is restrained to the side and my finger is covered with a strangely familiar green leaf that seems to have been chewed and spit out. "Yes, Katniss, you are." Something's not right, obviously. That's when I remember the baby. I panic. "Haymitch! The baby! Where is she? What's going on? And…and Peeta! Where is he? Is he okay?" My blood turns to lead yet again at the thought of my family being hurt. Haymitch approaches me and lays a hand on my shoulder. "Katniss, don't worry, everything's under control." I look at him in shock. "Don't worry? You're kidding me, right? I wake up in a hospital not knowing when I got here, when I passed out, the whereabouts of my family, and you expect me not to worry? Tell me what the hell's going on before I rip these tubes out and go find out for myself!" He takes a deep sigh before he proceeds to explain.

"Two nights ago, I called you guys to see if you wanted to go out to eat, but you didn't answer. This was strange because I knew you were home with the baby, I called twice, and then I went over there to check out why you weren't answering." He shifts uncomfortably in his seat. "I called out that I was there, and I heard the baby crying, so I went upstairs. Then I found you two passed out on the floor. I called the hospital, and here you are." I hold all my emotions in as I ask him why we had to be brought here. "I don't think I'm exactly… qualified to answer that." Says Haymitch. He slips outside and tells the nurse something and not even 10 seconds later Dr. Aurelius walks in. "Katniss! I'm glad you're awake, how are you feeling?" he says kindly. "Sore, but a different kind, not like after I had the baby or anything like that." I say cautiously. He quickly scribbles that on his notepad. But I feel like every second is an hour. My patience is wearing thin; I want to know what happened. "Doctor? Not to rush anything, but why am I here?" He moves his clipboard from one arm to the other. "Katniss, do you remember anything strange before you woke up? Anything...shiny, maybe?" I wrack my currently weak memory for anything shiny or strange. Finnick, sugar cubes, black tar oozing through the walls, red beetles invading my bedroom floor. But all that is impossible, because Finnick… is dead. I was hallucinating. That nightmare, when I woke up; I was still feeling pain. Pain and hallucinations can only mean one thing to me. Tracker Jackers.

I look over to my finger covered in the green leaf. Then I remember where I recognized it from, it's exactly like the one Rue used in my first Games. Then I remember pricking my finger with President Snow's rose. "Doctor, did I get stung again?" A small look of shock registers on his face, he probably didn't think I would catch on so quickly. "I'm afraid you have, Mrs. Everdeen. Just, not in the traditional way." He pauses for a moment. "As you know, after the Rebellion, all nests were ordered to be destroyed; the Tracker Jackers were killed with a poisonous gas and then burned for their solid gold bodies. So this is what baffles us about you and your husband, and we were wondering if you had any valuable information to help your case?" The rose, Peeta and I both pricked our fingers- Peeta. "Doctor! Peeta! He got… infected…with… the venom…again." I stutter those last words because things are going too slowly for my taste. I start to rip the tubes out. "Katniss! What are you doing? Stop!" Says Dr. Aurelius says imploringly. But if he wanted me to stop, he should have done something himself. I burst out of the room and walk down the hall, desperately trying to find him.


	9. Chapter 9

**Author's note: I'm trying to keep to schedule! It's getting harder to write these though, because to be perfectly honest, I'm making this story up as I go along! Hope it's not that noticeable . I will update today because I feel the story is kind of dragging on, enjoy anyways!**

**Chapter 9**

I briskly walk down the corridor and scan the rooms. "Katniss! Get back here!" I hear Haymitch yell. But I don't turn around; I peek in each window to see if Peeta is there. Nothing. I suddenly feel my arms being tied behind my back. I turn around to see who it is, only to face Johanna. "Katniss, I thought you were done being juvenile. Guess I was wrong." She says. "Hello to you too, Johanna." I try to break free from her grip, to no avail. My weakness from the venom is fresh; I'm no match for her. "Johanna, let me go, I'll talk to you later." I say firmly. She chuckles and drags me back into my room where the nurses hook me up to those damn cables again.

"Katniss, that was very irresponsible of you!" Dr. Aurelius lectures me. "Those were childish tricks when you were 17! Not when you are a fully grown a-dult! I hope to never see this happen again. You realize your little stunt could have cost you? Your life isn't the only one at stake anymore, Mrs. Everdeen!" He finishes, satisfied. "I'm sorry Doctor, I won't do it again." I say obediently. He of course, is right, but I couldn't help it, I have to know where Peeta is. He grabs his clipboard. "Your daughter is perfectly fine, under the care of the Maternity Center. We noticed however, that your daughter does not have a name, yet?" My face must be boiling red with embarrassment. What bad parents we must seem, not even love our daughter enough to name her. "No, Doctor, actually, we were discussing names until we passed out cold on the floor." I say nonchalantly. He rocks from his feet uncomfortably. "Your husband is here in the hospital. He is alive." Johanna speaks up. "Doctor, stop wasting time will you? Tell her what's wrong with Peeta, I'm getting impatient and I already know." She says. Tell her what's wrong with him. I know that no good news is coming. "Very well, I'll get to the point. Katniss, after Peeta was injected with the venom, it set off, a spark of sorts." "If you had not noticed, the power of the venom was rapidly deteriorating. It was down to just residue that would very infrequently give him flashbacks." He and takes a deep sigh. "If he were to have been injected with fresh venom, the results would have been disastrous. He would have died." I look up at him. Dead, the only reason I stay on this earth. Dead. "Thankfully, that was not the case. This venom was over 15 years old. We couldn't predict what his reaction was going to be. He had an attack, but he was able to survive with minimal scarring. We put him in a deep sleep to attempt to numb the effects of the venom." He finishes. "So, what you're saying is, he's okay?" I say. "Yes," he says, but his "yes" drags on, offering no good sign. "So, what are the side effects?" Johanna asks the question that's all on our minds. "Well, we're not really sure." Says Dr. Aurelius.

"What you're saying is, he could wake up and tear down the hospital, or be completely rid of the venom?" Asks Haymitch. The Doctor's eyebrows knit in frustration. "I suppose if you want to put it that way. This has never happened before, so we cannot predict anything for now." My Peeta, under the spell of the venom again. Under its grasp, obedient to whatever the venom does. He is chained to it yet again. Frustration, that's all I can feel. But I will not cry. Instead I ask to go see my daughter. "Yes, of course Katniss," says Dr. Aurelius. "Just let us remove the tubes this time." I let them take the tubes out, much better than ripping them out myself. I change into spare clothing that Johanna brought me and I follow the nurse out to the Maternity Center.


	10. Chapter 10

**Author's Note****: I'm back! This has by far been my longest break, and I'm so sorry. You take the time to read an amateur's story and I don't even update. I could not have asked for a better outcome, and on my first story (ever) no less! I have just finished scrolling through all the comments and my eyes teared up. Even though I will hopefully write other stories, I will always have this one first in my thoughts, it will always be the most special to me. You are truly amazing (not to mention you are a THG fan) and I hope you enjoy the conclusion. If you have any ideas please comment! Love you all! Also: I just got a twitter! the_observer810 for my lovely comments on Hunger Games. Never Stop Reading, Everlarklullaby**

Worry. Panic. Fear. The same jumble revives itself in my deteriorating spirit as I lull Ariya to sleep. Yes, I have chosen that name. Completely irrelevant to anything I know. A new start, that is what I had hoped for until we were stung. But the worst part? Nevermind the pain or taking care of Ariya. It's not knowing. Right now, a curtain lies in front of my heart. A vast black sea of unknowing. Peeta's fate is my fate. If he dies, he will take my heart with him. Ariya will have an indifferent person to raise her. Veiled by the past. Shrouded by loss. Eternally mourning what used to be. I will be indifferent to her pain and suffering. Where have I heard this all before? Suddenly, what is left of my heart shatters into pieces. My mother. I am becoming what I said I would never become, even if the day came that all the citizens of District 12 were well-fed. How could I do that to her? Ariya has done nothing to deserve it, and I will not punish her in that way. I remember seeing Prim's cheeks sink closer to her bones everyday. Her death comes swinging back. Death. Loss. It devoured my past like...a ball of fire swirling its tongues around everything that is good. But not my future. I will not stand for this, this fire that consumed my life so barbarically. I stand up with a sudden determination and walk to Dr. Aurelius.

"Dr. Aurelius: I want to see Peeta." He is conversing with official-looking doctors, many looks at once on his face. But they all portray one feeling: anxiety. "Ah, Mrs. Everdeen: just whom I was looking for. We were just about to do that ourselves, please: do come with us." Johanna is lurking nearby. "I'm coming." She walks briskly with us, and Haymitch tags along as well, as if it were a trip to the candy store. What a nice little trip this is: all of us skipping around to see which of the infinite reactions my husband will choose. We walk into a pristine room with a bed encased in some sort of glass case (idiots, they might as well armed Peeta too). It resembles one that I heard in a story my father told me long ago, of the prettiest girl in all the land. A witch queen was terribly envious of her and poisoned her with an apple, and it was not until her true love kissed her that she woke up again. As if a "true love's kiss" could save him now. That was a fairytale, and this is no such thing anymore.

Peeta looks peaceful, something I rarely see and is a beautiful sight amidst all this pain and suffering. Guards enter, armed with tranquillizers. We are escorted into the viewing room where medical students usually watch surgeries, but I cannot bear this fence, this barrier. Whatever happens: I want to be there. I leave the baby with Johanna and walk out. The doctors immediately rush to my side and try to negotiate with me, Dr. Aurelius must have told them I'm no easy task. "Mrs.-Mrs. Everdeen, you must go back inside, especially you." Starts one of them. "When Mr. Mellark was first poisoned he was filled with negative images of you, and it is probable he will seek you, the window that separates you is virtually indestructible, please go back for your own safety." I open my mouth to retort, but I remember my weakness: disobedience. I oblige and go back without a word. The team of doctors prepare their supplies. You'd think they were launching a hovercraft, not waking a man from deep sleep. I stand with my nose almost pressed to the window: like a little girl waiting for the shop to open. But unlike giddy girls who burst through the door, I am silent and solemn, prepared for the worst. Dr. Aurelius' voice comes soothingly through the walls. "Please, keep absolute quiet whatever happens. The door is behind you. Should anything happen: please leave immediately. Especially Mrs. Everdeen and her child." They tried to prevent me from bringing Ariya, but I've neglected her far too long. I know what they were trying to prevent, they didn't want her to see her father kill her mother. "Also, please keep all hands and legs inside the vehicle and enjoy the ride." Says a rough female voice. "Johanna, please." Says Haymitch. The air in the room feels like the highest and tension-ridden note in a song. So high to the breaking point. They unwrap a cuff from his head that seems to be the source of his sleep. The clock says three minutes, yet it feels like an eternity without his pale eyelids fluttering open. The line on his heart monitor is flat.


	11. Chapter 11

**Author's note** ** I realize the last chapter was very short, but if I did not cut it off then it would not have had that excellent ending I'm sure you loved ;) As I wrote this next chapter I came across a doubt: would Katniss really act this way? I studied the Catching Fire scene when Peeta dies but it was so short I was not able to compare it. Maybe I should just ship it off to Mrs. Suzanne Collins herself for the stamp of approval :) enjoy! We are approaching the end!**

A grieving silence fills the room, and I feel Haymitch's hand rest on my shoulder. I turn the door knob silently to avoid the doctor's attention, tears rolling down my face like a water fall. A feeling comes over me that I cannot describe. The door is locked, but I pull it with such force that it gives. "Peeta." I whisper. "Mrs. Everdeen! Get back!" I hear fadingly as I walk to the now coffin and unlatch the door, luckily it's not controlled by the switch panel. I stroke his hair while tears cascade down my face. I shake him violently "Peeta! Peeta!We have the rest of our lives ahead of us, no more death or loss, just our daughter to raise. Peeta! No, you can't do this to me. Please?" I whisper the last word like hope diminishing in the wind. Haymitch gingerly holds me by the shoulders but I shake him off. "No! No!" I shriek. I break free from his grasp, all shreds of my dignity gone. "Peeta! Why did you desert me?" I whisper to his lifeless body. Sobs rack my body uncontrollably. Ariya is wailing and Johanna carries her out, Johanna's own tears rolling down her face unceasingly. Strangely, nobody holds me back. "Why aren't you all holding me back?" I yell. "He could still hurt me! He's not dead. He's not...dead." But he is.

That's what the heart monitor says, a flat line. No life to come out of it ever again, I think of something to do, anything. I grab the cuff and re-wrap it around his head. Ariya will grow up without a father, just like I did for a large part of my childhood. "No, no! You can't let Ariya grow up like I did! Get up!" I even slap him several times, to no avail. I kiss him one last time, a childish hope that it will work comes over me. A kiss...a life-saving kiss. Finnnick blowing air into Peeta's lungs. Could the answer really be so simple? I learned how to do it when we visited Annie for her birthday, so I tilt his head back and attempt with the tiniest morsel of hope.

Haymitch approaches me again and grabs me gently but firmly and begins to whisk me away. Dignity is the last thing on my mind as I yell, "So you're gone too, huh? You've joined them: Rue, Finnick, my father, and I'm the only one missing!" I will not hold my emotions inside my mind anymore. They escort me outside as I take one last look at Peeta. My Peeta.

They tie me down to a hospital bed. "Just as restless 15 years ago." Mutters Dr. Aurelius sympathetically, tears streaming down his face as well. Delirious, I'm delirious, insane, out of my mind. But I don't care anymore. "Mrs. Everdeen! That's enough! Your husband is gone! And there is nothing you can do about it. " I stop, surprised at his sudden sternness. "No more childish tricks, do you understand?" I look away. It's like when I entered the viewing room I became a little girl, foolishly hoping he would come back to me. That maybe everything would be okay? But the odds have never been in my favor, and they never will be. A sudden wave of frustration overwhelms me and I ball my fists to the point that my knuckles turn white. Why me? Because I was the Mockingjay? Or because I am? "So, what happened to him after all?" I say, barely implying the tone of a question, barely caring, or wanting to know at all. Numb, that's all I feel. The shock has gone, but will no doubt come back unexpectedly. "It seems," his somber face turns to his clipboard, scribbled with observations, "As if it was too much for him: this was no ordinary venom that entered his blood flow." he states. "Of course it wasn't, nothing from the Capitol ever was." I say. He whips his face towards me: "Mrs. Everdeen, I believe you never did get around to telling me how you got stung, did you now?" So I go on to tell him the story, tears pooling on the rims of my eyes. His gaze turns slowly from somber to astounded as he writes down every word I say at a wrist-snapping pace and still scrutinizes me for more details. "I...I see." He mutters. "That should explain why he reacted so forcefully," He pauses, choosing his next words carefully. "That it burned him out." Not the best diction. I close my eyes, picturing him when he saved my life the first time by throwing me the burnt loaf, when I "repaid" him in the cave by nursing him back to health after Cato knifed him, the glorious afternoon on the rooftop before the second Games, saving each other from the mutts, almost being choked by his own hand under the spell of the Capitol that came back to murder him, and finally us attempting to rebuild what was lost. All these memories swirl threw my mind like a tornado. "Mrs. Everdeen, do you think you could write down what the note said, if... you remember anything, even the smallest snippet. It's vital evidence for the investigation." Remember anything? I remember every syllable: down to the very handwriting. I ask for pen and paper and I write it down. the memory of Peeta protecting me and telling me everything was going to be okay while he ripped the note to pieces whips me from behind. I feel suddenly shattered, with nothing left. But I have Ariya, and in Peeta's name: I will not leave her behind.

He reads it and keeps a somber, mourning expression. "He was always very cunning, Mrs. Everdeen, I must say...this doesn't surprise me." He states. "So, Snow really did win, after all." I say, my eyes fixed on a random point. He ponders this for a moment. "I suppose he only won if you let him." I stare at him, perplexed. "You see, Mrs. Everdeen, nobody ever wins by themselves. There would be no winner without a loser. And the loser always did something inferior to end up there." He sees my face and complies. "It's all right Mrs. Everdeen, right now is not a good time to think too much." But I get it, of course I do. It describes my entire journey from the day Prim's name was picked out of a glass bowl. He changes the subject. "I believe we should begin with the funeral arrangements and... whatnot." He clears his throat. "Excuse me?" Says a voice. "Could somebody please assist me?" My body runs cold.


End file.
